Love and relationships are more than just physical relationships.
They’re also deeply connected.
That’s why it’s important to say sorry to your significant other.
In fact, many couples do just that.
We talked to four love and relationship experts to find out what you can do to make sure you say sorry when you hurt each other.
First, let’s get one thing straight: It’s not okay to be rude to your loved one.
So don’t be rude.
The idea is to let them know that you’re sorry and that you want to work things out.
“When people say, ‘I’m sorry,’ they’re trying to convey that it’s okay for you to say that, and that they’ll forgive you,” says Debra McAllister, a relationship therapist in Portland, Oregon.
“It’s a polite way of saying ‘I don’t really care.'”
She adds that apologizing doesn’t mean you’re forgetting about a problem.
“If you’re trying hard to be a good person, you don’t have to be perfect or perfect in every aspect of your life,” McAllisters says.
So when you’re talking about what to do about something, “you’re saying, ‘This is the way we should be.
I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say to make you feel better.'”
And remember, even if you apologize and say sorry, you’re not really apologizing.
“The problem is, you are still saying, I’m not really sorry,” says McAlliers.
“I’m not sure I like you enough.
So I’m probably not going to say ‘thank you.'”
You can’t say “no” to someone who is in a relationship with another person, but you can say “thanks” if you’re feeling a bit down and it makes you feel good to be with someone.
“Your partner is the one that you can talk to,” says Lisa McAllier, a clinical psychologist in Toronto.
“They can talk about stuff that’s upsetting them, or things that are really sad.
They can talk with you about it.”
And when you say “goodbye,” it’s like saying goodbye to someone, she says.
“You’re leaving the relationship behind, so you don’ even have a goodbye message, you know?”
To avoid being mean to your romantic partner, McAlliest says to say goodbye with respect and dignity.
“Acknowledge that they’re not going anywhere, that they still love you, and it’s a way to be kind to them.”
And if your partner is still feeling sad, you can try to give them a gift.
“There are a lot of ways that you could do that,” McInnis says.
For example, say something nice, like “I love you.”
Then say “I hope you can stay here.”
And maybe take some photos or video with them.
“Just don’t say ‘I love’ or ‘I hope,'” she says, “or ‘I want you to stay’ or anything like that.”
But you don,t have to say anything.
“Say it out loud,” McAndisters says, adding, “There’s a difference between saying it out in a way that your partner hears, and saying it in a manner that you feel like is more appropriate.”
If you’re getting really sad or hurt, talk to someone.
If you don;t feel comfortable doing so, call your doctor or get professional help.
But even if the person who’s hurt feels alone or overwhelmed, “You can’t really blame them for feeling sad,” McAnnies says.
You might not be able to make it up to them, but it’s still important to be supportive and understanding.
And, finally, try to make them feel good about themselves, McInns says.
If they feel guilty, it’s normal.
If someone says, I was so stupid or selfish, they’re probably not feeling well.
“But it doesn’t have anything to do with you,” she says: “You are the one who’s responsible for their feeling bad.
And if they feel bad, they’ve got to deal with it.”
How to make yourself feel better: It might be easy to blame someone else for feeling bad, says McInsys.
“So it’s helpful to say, I don’t know why this feels bad,” she explains.
“Instead of saying, Oh, that was just my reaction,” Mcinsey says, it might be more helpful to point out that it was because you were hurt.
Or it might mean saying, it wasn’t your fault, McIngsys says.
And then, if you feel bad for them, you might say something like, I’ve heard so many stories about people who just didn’t care, and you’re just like, You know, I understand